Greetings People:
I went to another company yesterday (that will go unnamed) and
found this important corporate memo. I thought it was timely
enough to post to the net:
ALL EMPLOYEES:
In light of the Williamson county ruling against tax breaks
to companies with progressive policies towards homosexuals,
management at DWB (Damn We're Big) have come up with a few new
policies:
-
All seating in the cafeteria will be boy-girl-boy-girl.
If this can not be done, men will be required to grunt after
every swallow and talk sports in a loud boisterous manner.
Women seated next to each other must giggle and exchange
coupons.
-
No same sex cubemates will be allowed. If a building can not
comply to such a rule, occupants of said cube must
-
if male:
- come to blows at least weekly over such matters as
Crafstman vs Stanley tools, Inboard vs Outboard Boat
Motors and favorite adult Tanning Salons.
-
if female:
- come to blows over the stealing of husbands/boyfreinds
or wardrobe accessorisizing.
-
(Male rule only) No male is allowed to stand next to another
male during urinal utilization. If nature demands such a
situation, the adjacent males are required to look into the
accompaning stall and say something derogatory in reference to
anatomy size.
-
(Female rule only) All females are required to say something
overtly feminine in any organizational meeting. The statement
must be considered ditzy, irrelevant and on the intelligence level
of a ripened beat. For example, during a meeting concerning
I/O Planar CAD simulation a female employee might say: "Let's not
talk about such technical things - it gives me such a headache.
Why don't we just go malling for some new pumps!"
Any violation of this rule will incur the following punishment:
-
Male:
- 10 hours of John Wayne movies or 4 home improvement
instructional
sessions at Home Depot.
-
Female:
- 10 hours of forced recreation with "Malibu" Ken and Barbie
dolls.
These rules are effective immediately. So let's hop to it and be hetero!
Remember: We in DWB management feel "Tab A in Slot B" is not only sound
biological policy but more importantly, it's swell for tax breaks.
-mgmt-
Bo Milvang-Jensen
(milvang@astro.ku.dk)